Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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