considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
