He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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