no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
