At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
