Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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