I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
