The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
