dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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