He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
