The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
