And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
