I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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