You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
