You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
