before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
