He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
