Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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