I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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