I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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