He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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