he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do herpes really smell.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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