Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
