Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
