onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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