she woke up with a sticky ear
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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