He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
