At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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