I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
