That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
