My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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