i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
