New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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