we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
