Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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