i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
