i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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