Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
