We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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