I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize