Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
