I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
