I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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