I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
