I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
