Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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