Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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