I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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