zippers are such a cool invention
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
