I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
