Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
