Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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