I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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