Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
