Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
