Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
