don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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