I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize