Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
