i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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