He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
