I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
