we have pet lesbian snakes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He did a backflip because drugs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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