Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
NoShamevember. You game?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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