It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
