Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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