i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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