last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize