She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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